I don't care

My mom wrote me a sweet email. She talked about how difficult this will be "for all of us" and that "we" will have to deal with it in our own way. "We" will have to grieve for what is lost. Don't get me wrong -- I love my mother to pieces. She's an 80-year old ray of sunshine to everyone she meets. I couldn't ask for a better mother. That said, do you know what I thought when I read her email?

"I don't care."

Sorry, Mom. And if it makes you feel any better, if I had the energy to do so, I'd feel guilty about it.

I just can't deal with it. What I am dealing with is my own emotions, my own topsy-turvy life. And I'm dealing with those closest to me and most effected by all this - my children. I just don't care about how everyone else feels. I am vaguely aware that this will effect them too, my sisters for example. They've known my husband for 30+ years. I know that each of them has their own relationship with him, and will have to figure out a way to continue that...or not. But, as selfish as it sounds, I just can't even bring myself to care. Maybe that will come later. Maybe this is the new me -- but I hope not.