Divorce: From Elation to Melancholy

From the Divorce Diary

First the definitions:
Elation: (noun) great happiness and exhilaration
Melancholy: (adj) sad, gloomy, or depressed

I'm a word person. So, of course, I'm trying desperately to find a word for my feelings. For the first few days after we finally talked, and finally made a decision, I was elated*. I felt like a hiker on a hilly walk toward a viewpoint that overlooks the ocean; but my backpack, full of experiences far heavier than bricks or rocks was too unmanageable to make any progress. Days come and go - the sun rises and sets, but the forest is too thick; I can only imagine what I'm missing. But then the muck in my brain clears for a moment and I can see a solution. Why didn't I think of this before? I edge the straps from my shoulders and let the backpack fall with a thud. I'm free. That's how I felt when I finally decided to leave my rotting marriage.

After less than a week, something else settled in. Melancholy**. It's an old word and just the way it rolls of your tongue sounds sad. Not quite depression, but just a blah feeling (not a good description for a self-proclaimed word person). Maybe it's because I'm in major limbo. My wasband is still in my house...with me and our teenage son. He moves out at the end of the month. So, what am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to feel? I feel like I'm playing house with someone I don't like. I don't have any freedom in my own house.18 days until he moves out. I'm counting. ~ME