Divorce: The Anger Stage

When I told my daughter the true story of her father's affair, she asked me if I was angry. I said, "Not really. It's been coming for a long time." I don't remember this conversation, which I'm chalking up to "Divorce Complicated Amnesia." But my daughter does. In fact, she told me this last night when I told her I seem to be getting angry about all this.
You see, I'd spent the day stomping around the house at everything that went wrong, from the rake breaking off in my hand, to the table I was trying to move downstairs, that got wedged between the railing and the wall. My thinking went something like this;

The Rake Incident: I was hot and sweaty from working in the yard, HIS yard. But I had one last thing to do - rake the dry spots in the grass so I could plant seed later. I got the rake out and with one brush across the barren island, the rake broke off the handle. "Shit!" I said, "Shit, Shit, Shit!" Anger welled up in me like a volcano that's been dormant for way too many years. And here's what I thought; If he'd redone the automatic sprinklers, like I said a million times, I wouldn't be out here sweating my ass off! I'd even gone to the extent of putting little clear plastic cups on the dry spots overnight and then showed him the next morning, after the sprinklers had run their cycles. Not a drop of water made it to those cups. Still, he argued with me - maybe the wind had blown, maybe the water from the rest of the grass runs to the dry spots. Maybe, maybe, maybe. So, I set a sprinkler on the grass and turned it on. When I came back to turn the water off, it was already off. So, I turned it back on. When I returned 20 minutes later, it was turned off again. You can see where this is going. Now he's not here, and I'm sweaty and miserable, and it's his fault - Clearly!

And then there's the table stuck two feet off the ground story...but you probably get the idea from the rake story.

Clearly, I'm not in the denial stage anymore. I don't like anger. But it's here. Hopefully it won't decorate, paint, and put shelves up for chachkies that only mean something for a short time. Eh...